How Teens Can Intervene in Bullying Without Becoming Targets
Let’s be real: we don’t live in a perfect society where everyone treats each other with kindness. Unfortunately, bullying seems to be an unavoidable part of life. If you’ve never been a bully or bullied, chances are you probably know somebody who has. You’ve probably witnessed bullying first-hand at some point in middle school when kids started slowly reaching puberty. Witnessing it, although not the same as living through it, can definitely leave you with some difficult feelings. You might feel torn between wanting to help the victim and fearing you’ll become the bully’s next target. It’s tough being in that position. However, there is a way teens can intervene in bullying without becoming targets. In the rest of this article, we’ll offer our best suggestions for the things you can do or, if you’re a parent, teach your child to do if they ever see their peer being picked on or treated unfairly and differently for no good reason.
Understand the Dynamics of Bullying
Before stepping in and putting yourself in the direct line of a bully, you need to understand the dynamic and “goal” of bullying. In the majority of cases, bullying is about power. Most bullies thrive on attention. Usually, the main reason they bully others is to feel like they’re in control, to feel like they’re a big deal, or to deflect from their own insecurities. This is crucial to know because when you, as a bystander, stay silent or, worse, laugh along, you’re giving the bully power that they desperately want.
On the other hand, this doesn’t mean you have to take on the bully directly, either. You shouldn’t teach your child to step in and challenge a bully to a physical match. Generally speaking, words should never be fought with fists, and that stands for bullies, too. However, even small actions and words can undermine a bully’s efforts and help the victim feel seen and supported.
Be an Ally Without Making It a Show
Nobody likes a show-off. When you’re doing something just to bring attention to yourself and to show everyone how kind you are, you’re not actually being kind. That’s why one of the best things you can do to help a peer being targeted is to show you support them. For instance, if someone you know is being excluded from group activities or lunch plans on the first day back to school, invite them to your group. Don’t make a big deal out of it, and don’t over-explain why you’re doing it. Simply asking them to sit with you sends them a message that they’re not alone.
You don’t have to verbally take sides between the bully and the victim to show where you stand. Just being there for someone when they need it can be enough for someone to feel less alone.
Distract and Redirect
Let’s say you just witnessed someone being teased or humiliated. Jumping into the conflict might escalate things, but you can often defuse the situation by redirecting attention. For example, you could casually ask the bully a random question or change the subject entirely. Something like “Hey, did you see what happened in gym class earlier?” or “Wait, isn’t that the bell? I think we’re late!” should be sufficient.
The point of this isn’t to ignore the bully. Instead, it’s to break the bully’s flow. When attention shifts from the bullying, the victim has a chance to escape the awful situation.
Strength in Numbers
Stepping in, even with just a comment, can feel intimidating when you’re alone. The good news is that you don’t and shouldn’t have to do it alone. Find a friend who shares your values, has empathy and compassion, and gets them to help you out. Together, you can support the person being targeted or even agree on how to handle certain situations.
For instance, if a bully spreads a rumor, your group can shut it down by refusing to spread it further – or by sharing the truth if you know it. A united front is much harder to ignore.
Use Your Influence
Not all bullying is obvious. It’s not always what we see in movies, like name-calling or physical aggression. In reality, bullying is often much more subtle. Instead of in-your-face violence, it’s more frequently shown through exclusion, gossip, or spreading embarrassing photos online. And, if you’re part of a group that’s contributing to this kind of behavior, you probably have more influence than you realize.
While calling out your own friends can feel uncomfortable, it is necessary. Luckily, you don’t have to do it in a confrontational way. You could say something like: “Hey, I don’t think this is cool. Let’s talk about something else.” or “What if someone did this to us? Wouldn’t we hate it?”
Even small comments like these can make people rethink their actions.
Report When Necessary
Nobody likes a tattletale. However, reporting bullying isn’t the same as snitching on a friend for sneaking an extra cookie before lunch. When bullying crosses a line and someone’s safety is put at risk, just intervening is no longer enough. In that case, you must report the situation to a trusted adult like a teacher, school counselor, or even a parent. If you’re afraid of what your peers might say, know that most schools have policies that protect students who report bullying. Chances are, nobody will find out you’re the one who reported it.
Furthermore, if you’re worried about the consequences you might experience, try to shift that perfective. Think about the potential consequences of not reporting serious bullying. Think about what can happen to your friend who’s a victim of bullying. Will they get hurt? How will they feel if the bullying continues?
To put it in perspective, bullying affects mental health on a serious level. Many children and teens who experience bullying tend to experience anxiety and depression later in life, brought by their low self-esteem. So, by intervening, you can stop these negative effects.
Support Behind the Scenes
While there are definitely ways teens can intervene in bullying without becoming targets themselves, sometimes they simply miss their opportunity. Sometimes, they don’t realize it is bullying until much later. If you didn’t have a chance to step in during the moment, know that you can still make a difference afterward. Once the situation has ended, you check in with the person who was bullied and let them know you saw what happened and that it wasn’t okay.
You can say something like, “That wasn’t cool, are you okay?” or “I saw what happened earlier; let me know if you want to talk about it.” While this kind of support might seem small, it can mean the world to someone who feels alone and vulnerable.
Be Mindful Online
Bullying isn’t always in-person. In recent years, there’s been a huge rise in online cyberbullying that’s especially tricky for the victim. If you ever see your friends posting mean comments, sharing rumors, or other harmful content, don’t add fuel to the fire. Don’t succumb to peer pressure. Don’t like, share, or comment on anything mean-spirited, even if your friends claim they’re just joking. Instead, report the content to the platform support or a trusted adult, depending on how the extreme situation is. And if you know the person being targeted, send them a private message to show that you don’t agree with the bullies.
Know Your Limits
While it is a duty of all of us to be kind to others and stop bullying whenever we can, you should also know it is not your sole responsibility in life. In some cases, you might feel too overwhelmed or unsafe to intervene directly, and that’s totally fine. You should know your limits and keep yourself out of danger.
It takes so much courage to step in, even in small ways. But remember, most people want bullying to stop; they just don’t always know how to help. By taking even the smallest steps, you can show them how to do it and cause a ripple effect of more and more people stepping in.
Final Thoughts
Bullying thrives on silence and inaction. Stopping bullying isn’t about being perfect or fearless; it’s about doing what you can when you can. There are plenty of ways teens can intervene in bullying without becoming targets. So, the next time you see bullying happening, remember that you don’t have to be a hero to make a difference. You just have to care enough to act.
Resources:
https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/research-resources/bystanders-are-essential
https://www.stopitsolutions.com/blog/bullying-how-to-identify-targets-intervene-and-stop-the-cycle
